Sunday, March 10, 2013


That's what my therapist calls it.  It goes with the illness and I find that it's a hard habit to break.  Here's a good link about it:  I especially think this part is appropriate:

"Falling prey to Catastrophizing is like striking out in your mind before you even get to the plate. Both of these types of Catastrophizing limit your opportunities in life, work, relationships and more. It can affect our entire outlook in life, and create a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure, disappointment and underachievement."

I think the part that has me tangled is the self-fulfilling prophecy.  When I thought I was tuned in psychically to the universe (not realizing that I was just hallucinating voices) I was looking for what I called "confirms."  A confirm was when I "heard" something was going to happen and it actually did.  Those confirms fueled my psychosis and made the catastrphes seem real.

I learned in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) that thoughts are behaviors.  Well, I tend to escape situations mentally, before I leave them physically, fearing that I'll get left behind.  Then I do.  So, the prophecy is fulfilled.  And with all that confirmation of my worst fears going on, I just buy into them more.

By now I have a neural groove, I'm sure, that goes straight to catstrophe.  Well, they say that identifying the problem is the first step.

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