Sunday, April 21, 2013

Living With Psychosis Part Two

Yesterday was a bad day for visual hallucinations and I got a bit confused by what I was seeing.  I'm not used to having this many visual hallucinations, so my question is, at what point should I become concerned?  I mean, as long as I can figure out that I am hallucinating, I can ignore them just like I do with the auditory hallucinations, "the voices," as I call them.  I know the point at which you become concerned about auditory hallucinations is when they start giving you "commands," i.e. telling you what to do, especially if it means hurting yourself or someone else.  But these "visions," maybe I should call them, are mostly new and I'm a bit scared.  I think I'm doing the right thing by keeping the people in my support network apprised of these visions and checking in on reality, if I'm not sure.

Although I don't understand what's going on with my psyche, I'm learning more about my illness.  One thing that I'm understanding is how the nature of your symptoms can change over time. I can see why medications and therapy may need to be adjusted.  You really don't know what's going to be a trigger for your brain to do something you're not expecting. And the same disease (schizophrenia in this case) can manifest so differently for different people.

At this point, I'll just have to keep track of my symptoms and see what my therapist and doctor think.  It'll be hour by hour for a while here, as I go through whatever this is until I can cope better with this new aspect of my mental illness.  Today hasn't been stressful so far and my hope is that these visions will go away. If not, I will deal with them as one more challenge along the path of my personal life venture.

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