I wish that I could always make this blog upbeat and inspirational, but the reality of mental illness is that even with the best of care some days are better than others. I've been hallucinating a lot for about a week: auditory and visual. What's good is that I can recognize that I'm hallucinating, because there was a long time when I could not.
What I want to share with you is that with psychosis, you really have no control over the way your emotions effect your psyche. Sometimes it's hard to even know what's triggering things like anxiety, paranoia and delusions. And there's a feeling of helplessness that comes with it all because of a loss of a sense of control.
You can't necessarily just "pull yourself together" because your subconscious is spilling into your conscious mind.
I had a better day today. I was really warm and windy and there was a strong feeling of the season in the air. I took a walk and it did me some good. I guess what I can say that's a bit encouraging is that it's during times of confusion like this, when fighting to keep a grip on reality is so crucial, is when you can pull on every tool at your disposal (meds, your support system, self-nurturing, mindfulness, etc.) for help. If you don't have your tools already, there's no better time to put them in place.
So, things are a little bit sketchy right now, but that's what living with a psychosis is all about.