Feeling

Yes, I'm a sci-fi geek and Star Trek TNG is my favorite in the Star Trek series.  But what's much more significant about the photo above is that it makes me feel as though I'm somehow in synch with the universe.  It came up on my pages feed on facebook today, but I've been thinking about this exact scene for a couple of weeks. In case you're not familiar, this is an iconic scene from Star Trek: First Contact <SPOILER ALERT> where Data, the android, is being held captive by the borg queen.  She can't "assimilate" him into the collective by making him half machine, because, of course, he's all machine.  But he has been upgraded with an emotion chip.  She takes advantage of this by doing the only thing she can do to entice him to join her: she makes him more organic.  So, she graphs a patch of skin onto his arm and simply, blows on it.  Yes, Data actually considers her "offer" for a fraction of a second which he later reports is a very long time for an android.

So, why am I thinking about this scene?  For one thing, I feel as though I've recently gotten my "emotion chip." (I'm really into feminist cyborg theory and I relate to that feeling of being emotionless and machine-like.)  On top of that I'm not so numb anymore that all I can feel is pain. In fact. every tiny nuance of interaction with others is like that gentle blow across the skin was for Data.  But now, imagine if that wasn't the Borg queen trying to tempt him, but a friend like Tasha Yar (who slept with him when she found out he was "fully functional")  Or better still, a long-time "Imzadi" (Betazoid for "beloved").  

It doesn't take much when you start to feel loved after a long time of stone heartedness.  Every kind thought, every peaceful gesture is like that breeze across my skin.  And then add communication and even interaction and I'm over-the-top blown away.  I didn't think it would be possible to feel again, but it just took time to heal.  If you find yourself in pain that seems overwhelming or numbing, don't give up.  All wounds really do heal in time. And it's so worth it to have your heart back again.

I have to say thank you here to all my family and friends for the caring and support and thank you to all who come and share my experience of me here.  (And yah, if you wanna freak me out, post a comment!)  I think about it all  in a very positive way, for a very long time.