Monday, March 10, 2014

Okay, I Officially Can't Handle It

So, I've done some writing in the past week about how I applied to volunteer at a local animal shelter.
They have officially not contacted me by the time they said they would and I have to admit that this is just too stressful for me.  Even if I heard from them now, I'd have to turn them down because I can not do the lack of feedback / communication thing.  But I'm pretty sure that they took one look at my application and thought, "um, no."  And that was about it.

Now I'm not "giving up" on volunteering because one thing fell through, but I came to a realization that I was in over my head.  Maybe it was the stigma that did me in with the shelter and maybe it wasn't, but I have to admit to myself that I just need more interaction and less responsibility. Part of me thinks that I could have handled it - but this is what it is - and I can't.  So, that's that.

It's ironic because all the talk between me and my support network has always been that I was too high functioning to join the groups at the clinic where I go for therapy.  Intellect and emotional IQ, I find, are suddenly two very different things to me.  You might think I'm okay because I do this blog, but I'm just an experienced writer.  I can do this alone - it's my shout out to the world.  But when it comes to interacting with people directly, I need so much more support.

It took this fail to help me realize that I'm not beyond group therapy. In fact, I just may finally be ready for it again.  I used to go to groups, but I never really connected or opened up much.  I think that the next thing that I need to do is go back to my therapist and suggest that my much needed social interacting come from some extended group therapy.

Yes, I feel rejected, but I'm using this as a teachable moment.  My heart reads "handle with care."

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